I've always been a happy person ...

… my friends and family say that I am easy and fun being around because I am usually in a good mood. I try to look at the bright side of things even when it seems like everything is just going down the pan.

This last year however really tested me. I was faced with more than one situation in which I wished I could do something or see somebody I couldn’t because of Covid. Next week my second birthday in Lockdown is coming up and again I won’t be able to celebrate it with my loved ones. I tried to stay positive for as long as I could, but at this point it just sucks! 

I know I'm not alone in this ...

…and there are many other people struggling even more than I do. I’m quite lucky considering that I have a big room in my parents house, a nice garden and a lot of green around us. However I had to learn that it’s ok to complain anyways! It’s ok to not feel good even though you have a lot to be grateful for!

Don’t get me wrong here, I’m definitely not saying that my fears and problems are as “bad” as a person’s literally fighting for their life, but that doesn’t make them less worthy or valid.

Everybody is allowed to struggle in their own reality. 

Understanding and internalising this really was a learning process for me and I’m still not quite sure how to handle my breakdowns, but I think I’m slowly getting there.

Finding a way to cope ...

… isn’t always easy. I believe that sometimes a breakdown can be a good thing. It gives me the opportunity to let everything out and then kinda start over. You can’t build new floors on an instable house after all, can you?

Still it’s no solution to break into a puddle of tears everytime I’ve reached a low point. I know that. Running helps when I feel like I wanna punch somebody in the face, long, hot showers help when I feel alone and my mum’s hugs help when I am sad. These are temporary fixes but they got me through so far. 

I hope that you are doing ok. Please remember that it’s totally understandable if you’re not though!

One day everything will be back to normal. Hang in there, you’re not alone!

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